When Does Self Care Become Selfish?

Who doesn’t want to unwind with a cup of (insert favorite drink) all cozy on a couch watching (insert favorite show) for as long as possible?

Whether it’s cutting out time for a beauty treatment, a vacation, or an evening walk before bed, we crave the freedom to engage in relaxing and de-stressing activities. Our generation seems to always be on about self-care and mental health, and it’s become a content niche with streams of advice constantly pouring in. But, is there a point when self-care becomes selfish and even unhealthy? It’s worth a thought, don’t you think? That’s what we’ll be looking at in this article.

Why Is Self Care Important?

Self-care simply means taking care of yourself. Sounds too simple? Well, the words are quite straightforward, but let’s go a bit deeper. It involves caring for your overall well-being, including your spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical self.

Self-care activities aim to refresh and rejuvenate us so we can go about our responsibilities with a healthy body and soul. Proper self-care prepares you to approach your relationships and career from a place of rest and wholeness. It’s also where you de-stress and temporarily take your mind off demanding and stressful events of the day week, or month because they’re always going to be there. Responsibilities never really end, do they? All we do is take a break to rest and recharge.

Signs Your Self-Care is Becoming Selfish

Yes, self-care deserves a priority in your life, but it could slowly become borderline or just plain selfishness and miss its point. I know, I know there’s this line that says “It’s okay to be selfish”, but I looked up the word “selfish” to confirm what it means and that isn’t the goal with self-care because you’re taking care of yourself to feel your best and disseminate value from that healthy place to those around. It’s like filling a tank with fresh clean water to quench thirst in your immediate surroundings.

Alright, let’s get back to the signs:

Lack of consideration for other people

Taking a nap in the middle of the day when a work deadline is approaching? Watching a Netflix series alone for hours on end every day when you have a partner/family members to bond with? I could go on, but I believe you get the point. Even self-care needs to be considerate of those directly affected by your decisions.

Schedule a time that’s convenient for you, but doesn’t consistently neglect valuable relationships in your life. There may be times when you’ll need to set a boundary with your family, for instance, you have time for prayers or exercise every evening and wouldn’t like to be disturbed. Set a reasonable time and consider how it affects those around you. If you’re only thinking “It’s my time, I can do whatever I want” well, I’ll argue that’s more selfish than self-care.

Encourages addicting behaviour

When we mention addiction, people think of alcohol, drugs, and porn. They’re included, but those aren’t the only things humans can be addicted to. I mean, I understand that watching Netflix with Ice cream feels relaxing, but if this is the only thing that comforts you for hours every single day, we’ve got an addiction on our hands, wouldn’t you agree?

Okay, no judgment, we’re just trying to get to the bottom of our self-care practices here. It’s possible to adopt a behavior that gets a hold of our brain instead of the other way around. Self-care is intentional. If you feel you have no control over it, then you’re addicted, maybe?

Avoid addressing important situations

It’s completely okay to take a step back from stressful situations, but it’s not okay to avoid things that need your attention because you’re trying to take care of yourself. If you’re using self-care as an excuse to avoid completing a complex task, meeting deadlines at work, or having a difficult conversation, you need a plan to address those situations in your life while still caring for yourself, of course.

Distraction from work and responsibilities

You don’t owe anybody anything? Erm, you do actually. You owe your family, spouse, children, work colleagues, and immediate community quite a bit. You owe it to them to be a valuable addition to their life and contribute to their well-being and success. Is your idea of practicing self-care preventing you from fulfilling your responsibilities? You may need to re-evaluate your self-care practices or reschedule its timing.

Unhealthy life practices

Self-care activities are meant to be inspiring, refreshing, and rejuvenating, making you feel ready to take over the world. Okay, that last part is a bit dramatic, but if the activities you’re practicing are harmful, unhealthy and a cause of concern to those who care about you, then is that self-care? I’ll let you decide.

A Healthy Balance of Self-Care

Taking time to care for your spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being (alone or with friends) is essential to ensuring that you show up at home, work, and in your community with an optimistic and healthy approach. Even taking a shower, brushing your teeth, and using deodorant is a form of everyday self-care and its purpose is simply to make you feel good, look presentable, and be respectful to those around you.

With that being said, your self-care should be intentional, beneficial to your well-being, and considerate of those in your life. If you do it right, self-care isn’t selfish at all. It allows you to show up to every occasion that beckons your attention with a healthy body and soul.