Your Self-Esteem Shapes Your Life Experience: How To Cultivate A Healthy One

Being on social media gives you a glimpse into how different minds work. One day you’re seeing someone describe what you’d tag as abuse like it's normal; the next moment you’re seeing a lovey-dovey couple making you believe in love; shortly after, you see a sad news report, and you’re in shock about how someone can be horrible to their fellow humans. What we accept and what we give is a testament to what we believe about ourselves and others, and that’s why we’re going to be discussing self-esteem in this article.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is how we view or how much value we place on ourselves in relation to others. According to the American Psychological Association, self-esteem is “the degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in one’s self-concept are perceived to be positive.”

Whether your self-esteem is high or low depends on a variety of factors, but most importantly, on what your mind establishes as most positive and negative, and which outweighs the other when it comes to self-description.

Our self-perception frames how we interact with others and the quality of life we live.

What a Healthy Self-Esteem Looks Like

Having a healthy or high self-esteem goes beyond just liking yourself. It means that you treat yourself with respect, value, love, and dignity. It means that you believe in your capacity to learn, evolve, and contribute meaningfully to your family and immediate society.

You see that your thoughts, feelings, abilities, and gifts matter. You acknowledge your imperfections, but they do not outweigh your positive impression or the worth you place on yourself.

A healthy self-esteem is also demonstrated in how you perceive others view and treat you. Someone with low self-esteem is likely to endure abusive treatment because they don’t believe deep down that they are deserving of love, honour, and respect. On the flip side, someone with healthy self-esteem can identify disrespect, respond appropriately, and set the necessary boundaries to protect their space

This person does not think of themselves as superior to others. They recognize that other humans are worthy of respect and are equally valuable.

Apostle Paul in the Bible said not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to, so basically we shouldn’t esteem ourselves above others. So that’s how I summarize having a healthy self-esteem: seeing yourself as important and valuable, but not esteeming that value above others, whether you particularly like them or not.

Can Someone’s Self-Esteem Be Too High?

When one’s self-esteem crosses from seeing oneself as valuable and deserving of respect to seeing other people as beneath and below you, then there’s a problem. This kind of self-concept doesn’t care about the well-being of others, and isn’t bothered about whether their actions negatively impact people around them. That begins to look a lot more like a superiority complex or narcissism.

Interestingly, when someone seems to be arrogant or have what may be described as “too-high self-esteem”, we can argue that the opposite is the case. Superior beliefs about yourself may be a cover for poor self-esteem, feelings of anger, or shame. In such a scenario, the arrogance is a cover-up and a front used to cope with deep-seated uncomfortable feelings instead of handling them.

What A Poor Self-Esteem Looks Like

Someone with low self-esteem has their negative opinions about themselves far outweigh the positive. They don’t feel good enough; they don’t feel deserving of love and respect, so when they get a little show of love, they hold onto it, willing to endure horrible treatment because they feel it’s more than they deserve. They’re not confident in their abilities or in their ability to learn, grow, and contribute meaningfully to their immediate community.

Low self-esteem is due to a variety of factors. Perhaps one of the most potent is upbringing. If you had to perform to receive love, experienced neglect, or were constantly compared to others - being told they are better looking, smarter, or whatever - it hits your self-esteem, and sometimes, these traces follow you into adulthood.

You would think that people who seem to have it all together - great bodies, good careers will have healthy or higher self-esteem, but that isn’t always the case. This study shows that physical attractiveness does not determine self-esteem. Your self-worth isn’t really about your external circumstances but how you perceive yourself and how much of that perception is positive.

How To Cultivate A Healthy Self-Esteem

Establish foundational beliefs

You are uniquely and wonderfully designed by God for a unique purpose, a different expression of value, and that alone makes you important. The fact that your existence is a singular, non-repeatable occurrence. You’re not a rare species. You’re the only one of your kind. You’re the only you.

Accept compliments or positive feedback

Don’t reject praise, compliments, or positive feedback. Receive them. Even though you shouldn’t let it get to your head. But when someone says something good to you, receive it and thank them for it. You deserve love, respect, and honour, remember?

Challenge negative thoughts

Negative thoughts fester when you leave them unattended. Respond to them with the truth. When lies come to your head, reject them and speak with what you believe or what you want.

Be aware of your strengths and skills

You have unique strengths and skills; be conscious of what they are. There’s one ability that we all have: we can learn. So, even if you’re not feeling very competent right now, know that you can always evolve and grow as a person by putting in the work.

Be gracious and compassionate to yourself

Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for your shortcomings and see them as an opportunity to grow. Don’t hold onto feelings of guilt and shame. Be vulnerable with people you trust, learn from your mistakes, but don’t let them take away from your self-worth.

Everyone Needs A Healthy Self-Esteem

Like most things in life, your self-esteem will have its ebbs and flows. It might take a hit today and get a boost tomorrow, but it needs a healthy balance for you to function as the unique individual God created you to be. It’s worth instilling the foundational belief that you’re uniquely and wonderfully designed, full of value. You don’t have to meet the conventional standards of anything. You just need to accept your uniqueness, cultivate your potential, and intentionally grow into all that you can be.