Are Coping Mechanisms Good or Bad?

We’re all imperfect humans co-existing with other imperfect humans, and sometimes we hurt each other. From minor hurts to traumatic experiences, we are often the culprits of one another’s suffering.

Coupled with that, life demands that we pursue or work towards the good things we desire. This translates to daily stressors; its levels depend on both the conditions we find ourselves in and those we choose actively or passively. It makes sense that we try to manage these discomforts, and that’s where coping mechanisms slide into the DMs. But, are coping mechanisms good or bad? That’s what we’ll be delving into in this piece.

What Are Coping Mechanisms?

Coping mechanisms are behavioral patterns we adopt to deal with or protect ourselves from internal and external stress. It’s how we may respond to distant parents, a difficult boss, or consecutive failures.

Coping mechanisms exist to mitigate the effects of difficult situations on our conscious minds. If you’ve experienced rejection from a loved one in the past, you may tend to withdraw from people or avoid intimate relationships to prevent yourself from experiencing a similar hurt. That withdrawal or avoidance is a coping mechanism.

Are Coping Mechanisms Good or Bad?

The simple answer is yes and no. It’s neither good nor bad, but it can be good or bad. Coping mechanisms can be healthy and unhealthy. Since human behaviour widely varies and there’s no way to make an exhaustive list of healthy and unhealthy mechanisms, let’s consider a way to measure which is good or bad.

Good coping mechanisms focus on addressing an issue, finding long-term solutions, and enhancing our well-being. The process may not be all jolly, but the goal is to seek healing and relief from a long-term solution rather than a short-term distraction.

Bad coping mechanisms are usually short-term solutions and momentary distractions that focus on our convenience and pleasure rather than solving a problem staring us right in the face. It produces short-term relief and doesn’t really address the main root of the issue (smiles in avoidance).

Healthy Vs Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Now that we’ve established pointers to help us know the differentiating factors for healthy vs unhealthy coping mechanisms, let’s look at some examples for both sides:

Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Confrontation

Instead of sweeping things under the carpet, why not deep clean the room and let out all the dirt? See what I did there? Anyhoo, confrontation means engaging in conversations to find the root cause of an issue and resolve it. That may mean walking up to someone to ask them why they were a little loud or rude the last time.

It helps to maintain a calm voice and tone when confronting someone else. Otherwise, the person may focus on your approach and forget the issue.

Confronting isn’t hurling insults or exchanging unpleasant words with someone. It’s intentionally seeking an explanation, going for understanding, apologizing for any wrong, and taking pointers for when a similar situation plays out next time.

Disclaimer: Some people are volatile no matter what you do; that’s okay. Dust your shoes and move on.

Community help

Sometimes, all you need is an extra pair of eyes to analyse the issue, draw your attention to some blind spots, and provide you with support. This support may come from a small group in your church, a counselor, a best friend, a sibling, or a parent. But that third-party perspective (someone/people you love and respect) may really proffer the solution you’re seeking.

Just expressing yourself and letting your raw emotions out may be the therapy you need. I know it works for me. Although it takes me a minute to get it out, once I do, pheeeeew! I feel the burden lift or lessen.

Exercise

Don’t roll your eyes, please hear me out. When you wake up in the morning feeling like nothing is working out for you, do a 10-minute workout.

Extra tip: Go on YouTube and search for “home workout for beginners male/female”, you’ll find a good number of 10 - 30 minute videos, choose one and follow through. It’ll feel like you’re sweating out that negativity. It’s probably due to all that dopamine release, but it feels great, a natural mood booster. Don’t sleep on exercise!

Proper rest

Do you sleep less than 6 hours for days or weeks in a row? You need to change your ways. Prioritize deep rest. Your body needs it to recuperate and stay healthy. There may be seasons of your life where you need to sacrifice sleep like new parents or business owners, but it shouldn’t be a lifestyle.

Sleep properly. 7 to 9 hours daily are recommended. If you find it difficult to fall asleep or suffer from insomnia, you can find out some things that will help, which might include seeing a professional.

Hobbies/creative outlets

Sometimes, we need to let our creative and learning juices flow. Is there anything you’re excited to learn or do more of? It could be painting, singing, languages, food recipes, or history.

Spend your time doing something fun or acquiring a new piece of knowledge or abilities. You’re less likely to be worried when you’re doing something productive that you enjoy.

Goal-setting

We can be haphazard with things we want, which may cause us more stress in the end. Being strategic with goal setting allows you to clearly define what you’ll be expending your energy on for a particular period. It also helps us cut off unnecessary excesses as we zoom in on what matters most to us. You can set goals for different aspects of your life: career, relationships, content creation, home management, etc.

Faith

My biggest coping mechanism is faith in God and His ability to see me through every facet and season of life. Studying the scriptures helps to reaffirm my belief. Specific verses like Philippians 4:6 and Romans 8:28 remind me not to be worried or anxious and let me know that everything works together for my good.

I believe that the God who gets me through today will be able to get me, and my pain is purposeful, even if all it does is teach me patience or equips me to encourage a random person tomorrow.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Avoiding/repressing your feelings

You feel hurt or upset about something, but you bottle up because …………(insert reason). But that’s not a solution, is it? It just means that you slowly begin to build resentment and also bear the weight of having the issue unresolved. And that’s not unhealthy way to cope with life’s inevitable issues.

Substance use

So you don’t feel good, but a couple of substances, namely drugs and alcohol, can give you the illusion of a happy, jolly feeling. But then, when you get sober, you realize that you’re still not feeling great, and you go back to these substances until you begin to depend on them for day-to-day survival. And, that my friends, is how an addiction is born.

Over or under-eating

Emotional eating is a thing. You may eat more to console yourself, or eat little or starve if you’re feeling stressed. Both of them are unhealthy. Overeating or under-eating has various health complications, and guess what? It still doesn’t solve the main issues that led to it. What a waste of effort!

Isolation

Do you tend to want to be by yourself when you’re having a hard time? Well, we all need some alone time. But it shouldn’t be a lifestyle. When you completely avoid social gatherings, don’t respond to texts or calls, and refuse to engage with any human who goes out of their way to connect with you, does that sound healthy to you?

Self-harm

When you begin to loathe yourself and your existence, there’s a high probability that thoughts of self-harm may arise. Let’s not get too graphic with this, but intentionally inflicting pain on your body is self-harm. And self-harm is bad. Very bad. Do not engage.

Impulsive behaviour

I feel like everything I’ve mentioned before this can qualify as an impulsive behaviour, but this still needs its own section. When you act on every desire or thought without engaging your cerebrum or values, it smells like a problem to me. Whether that’s with spending, dating, emotional outbursts etc., that’s so unhealthy and unproductive that the only thing it’s going to produce is more issues.

People pleasing

You think everything will be better if you just do anything you’re asked by anyone or some specific people. You’ll eventually burn out and grow resentful. And, ermmm, that’s not a way to live, my friends.

Reflect

Do you find yourself in any of these patterns? I do. Avoiding or repressing my feelings is a tendency I’m intentionally fighting, so if you do find yourself anywhere here, please refer to the healthy coping methods once again.

Finally, Beloved Reader

You’re not alone in your journey of processing pain or dealing with stress. But, you can take control of how you react or respond to these unfortunate situations you unavoidably (or avoidably) had to experience. Whether it’s through hard conversations or boundaries in your relationships, be ready to do the hard work for long-term returns. I wish you a life of healthy coping mechanisms and wholeness. Okay, bye. Check out all our other articles here.